you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
