All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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