I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize