Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
