FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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