At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
