i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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