What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
