apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
