All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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