return my video game
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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