What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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