just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
