i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
