Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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