Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
