"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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