Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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