I need help removing her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
