he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
