...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
