If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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