dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
