Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
