a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
