Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
