my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You took a bar mat shot.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
