I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
