I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
