I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
