babies were throwing up all over the place
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
