I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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