mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
