Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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