well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
