All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
