I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
