after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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