shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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