the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
porn star boner night. come get it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
