tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
