Don't make out with my wife yet
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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