Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
