I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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