she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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