that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
