Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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