Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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