drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
