I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
