Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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