I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
