the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
