just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
